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Posts Tagged ‘Tony Blair’

Odds on a Queen’s replacement shorten

A week of celebrations for a glorious reign has been marred by a leaked news report that Her Majesty has not nominated a successor. Members of the Privy Council have suggested that a president be either appointed or elected, on the grounds that ‘there is no family member who appears suitable for the job’.

Having employed the Prince of Wales as a ‘monarch stand-in’ for the Order of the Bath service, it has become apparent that the country needs a Head of State that can re-enact Pete & Dud routines not just hackneyed Goons impressions…

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2015
More from UK News

Chilcot appearance on Just A Minute “longer than 45 minutes”

Sir John Chilcot’s debut appearance on Radio 4 panel show Just a Minute has received a critical mauling, after he hesitated more than any other player in the programme’s history and caused Monday evening’s edition to last fourteen hours instead of the usual thirty minutes.

The former civil servant and independent inquiry chair appeared on the panel alongside series regulars Paul Merton, Sue Perkins and former foreign secretary Jack Straw. As usual, Chilcot was asked to speak for sixty seconds without repetition, deviation or hesitation, but after an initial burst of energy (on the topic ‘the terms of this inquiry’) he rapidly dried up and dragged the proceedings out far longer than anybody else could ever have anticipated.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment

Bin Laden cassettes ‘a dangerous collection of 80s cheese’

It has been revealed today that a collection of audio cassettes seized from Osama Bin Laden’s abandoned Afghan compound, actually contain an alarming amount of 80s pop tunes.

Brett Rogers, one of the first U.S. Navy Seals to enter the compound, claimed he was alerted to Bin Laden’s whereabouts by the distant melodic tones of Salt-N-Pepa’s Push It. ‘Well the lyrics do say that “this dance ain’t for everybody, only for the sexy people” obviously I took it as a sign’.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2015
More from World News

‘Ye olde Chilcotte Reporte on ye Hundrede Years War’ finally published

A medieval scribe known as Johannes of Chilcotte is thought to be the author of a crucial historical document that has recently come to light.

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Posted: Aug 25th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Blair’s security detail encouraged to ‘nip out for a fag once in a while’

The ongoing austerity programme, which has seen cuts of up to 40% to the budgets of many government departments, has bumped up against the obligation to provide round the clock security for former Prime Minister Tony Blair.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2015
More from Politics