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Posts Tagged ‘top gear’

Met Office warns conditions right for perfect ‘Death of Laddism’ articles storm

The closure of a lad mag and the demise of a car programme could cause the conditions for a perfect media storm, warn the Met Office.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2015
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Blair named as Middle-England Peace Envoy in ongoing Clarkson row

determined to take the 'larks' out of ClarksonThe government confirmed today that Tony Blair is to take on the weighty responsibility as mediator in the Clarkson Crisis before the UK descends into all-out civil war.

With supermarket shelves already being stripped of Top Gear Box Sets and black arm-bands for white van drivers, the former British Prime Minister is believed to be the ‘only man for the job’ after his recent success in bringing lasting irony to the middle-east.

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Posted: Mar 29th, 2015
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BBC to reintroduce homeless Stig into the wild

some say, it's all gone to cockFollowing the sacking of Jeremy Clarkson and the abrupt ending of Top Gear, the BBC have pledged they will help resident test driver The Stig and ensure he can rejoin the general public.

“Some say he is every sign of the Zodiac, some say he appeared on the short lived £100 note but what we’re all saying at the moment is that we need to help this man get re-assimilated into regular society,” said a BBC spokeswoman.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2015
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Zayn quits 1D in protest over Clarkson

some say that's what makes them beautiful, but not manyPre-pubescent girls around the globe were left reeling from the double disappointment of their two favourite pin-ups leaving to pursue solo projects this week. Zayn and Clarkson have been long time admirers of one another, both wearing ‘mom jeans’ while singing ballads; but neither felt like continuing without the other to inspire him to smoke a joint or punch a work colleague.

Zayn Malik’s publicist released a tersely-worded statement: ‘With Top Gear losing Clarkson, Zayn felt that it was time to call it a day. You can’t be expected to sing five part harmonies about love, if the one you love is no more.’ Likewise Clarkson admitted to close friends that he could never feel the throbbing urgency of a V8 engine without thinking about ‘Zayn’s tushie’.

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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Islamic State leader remains calm over sub-standard mayo sandwich

Although specifically asking for no mayonnaise on the sandwich he ordered yesterday evening following a long, stressful day, Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was disappointed to find that someone had not paid enough attention to his orders and completely drenched the whole thing in sauce.

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Posted: Mar 19th, 2015
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