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Posts Tagged ‘torch’

Coe hails appearance of Olympic relay torches on Ebay

Lord Coe has expressed his delight that Olympic relay torches are already turning up for sale on eBay. ‘This shows people are really getting behind us and embracing the true Olympic spirit,’ Lord Coe gushed at a press conference this morning.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2012
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Angry torch bearing mob strings up man suspected of starting ‘blame culture’

his parents are nextMounting public anger over Britain’s burgeoning blame culture erupted into violence in Portsmouth yesterday, as a torch bearing mob identified a man who might be responsible. Kevin Simkins, who has a slight stammer and sometimes avoids eye contact with people he doesn’t know, was immediately identified by mob leader Kevin Morris as the ‘evil scumbag what started blame culture’.

After a fair trial, it was learned that Simkins doesn’t float when thrown in the village pond. An appeal using the ducking stool failed to exonorate the defendant. Though defence counsel for Simkins pleaded ‘leave ‘im Kevin, ‘es just not worf it’ – the prosecutors decided that the defendant would only understand one form of judicial process – or ‘Thing’ as it’s known in Portsmouth.

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Posted: Oct 5th, 2009
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