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Posts Tagged ‘tories’

Hazel Blears found working as Theresa May tribute act

For the many disappointed people unable to get tickets to the sold out Tory conference, Hazel Blears is the next best thing. Despite standing down as an MP and largely being out of the public eye – her most popular move according to the polls – Blears claims to be able to perform a medley of May’s classic conference rants from 2010-2014 and ‘for cash in hand’ will recite her 2015 speech in full.

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Posted: Oct 8th, 2015
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Confident Osborne, smokes crack during Conference speech

George Osbourne today highlighted his dominant positon in the polls by openly challenging Boris Johnson to a fight and demanding his turn ‘to f@$k a pig’. In a series of bizarre acts, the Chancellor ambled about the stage, fist-pumping imaginary voters and blowing kisses to the assembled press.

Sitting on the edge of the stage and openly smoking from a glass pipe, he yelled: ‘Let’s face it Britain, who else are you going to vote for now?

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Posted: Oct 7th, 2015
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Samantha Cameron to renegotiate terms of her marriage, offer kids in/out vote

wants to be in with Dave, but not run by DaveAfter years of being dictated to by her seemingly unaccountable husband, Samantha Cameron has announced her intention to renegotiate the terms of her marriage and, if the talks go well, will then offer her children an ‘in/out’ referendum.

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2015
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Clegg dragged kicking and screaming from first all-Tory cabinet meeting

Former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg had to be forcibly removed from the first cabinet of the new Conservative government after the meeting was disrupted in the first few minutes.

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Posted: May 13th, 2015
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Polls fooled by ‘secret shame’ of Tory electorate

They'll be getting married to each other next!After Election night when the country awoke to realise that, in their midst, many may have been living a lie but had finally found a pride in who they really are, Tory voters have been welcomed into the folds of the LBGT community like ‘one of their own’.

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Posted: May 12th, 2015
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