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Posts Tagged ‘tories’

Fiona Woolf denies using feathery hat to deflect attention

'Wouldn't have buried her head in the sand'Fiona Woolf has denied using a special feathery hat to divert people’s attention from Home Office and Conservative Party embarrassment. Mrs Woolf stepped down from the chairmanship of the government cover up of child sex abuse after it was argued she ‘wasn’t an appropriate person’ to lead the whitewash.

But Mrs Woolf still maintains she had all the right credentials for leading a complex cover up into a sexual scandal that may have reached into the higher echelons of government, as well as having excellent contacts inside and outside Westminster, and a hat made of black ostrich feathers.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2014
More from Politics



Countdown to general election: the nation rejoices

The by-elections in Clacton and Heywood have led to bunting being put up and spontaneous dancing in the streets across the land as it finally dawned on the electorate that a general election is only months away.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Cameron promises voters free ice-skating ‘when hell freezes over’

In his pre-election speech to the Tory Party Conference last week, David Cameron promised that all taxpayers would receive free ice-skating passes, just as soon as he and George Osborne had managed to engineer the freezing over of hell.

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Posted: Oct 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Fruit-picker promises jam in 6 years’ time

‘I don’t know why there’s no jam yet’, said a customer of the fruit-picker.

‘He’s been gathering our plums for the last 4 years. We’re renegotiating a fresh 5 year contract, and he says we’ll see some jam in 2020.’

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
More from News In Brief



Gove to privatise child abuse

'why should the state sector have all the fun?'Michael Gove has announced he’ll hand responsibility for all child abuse to private companies like G4S, Atos and Serco. Mr Gove told the media it was ‘inappropriate and wrong’ for past child abuse to be largely the responsibility of public bodies like the BBC, state-run care homes, the NHS and Liberal MP Cyril Smith.’

The Education Secretary said: ‘At a time of economic challenge it’s crucial we don’t leave child abuse to Labour-supporting BBC celebrities who are paid millions of pounds by licence fee payers. Even some religious institutions are claiming state funding for their special kind of hurting of children. Equally, the cost of child abuse in local authority and other state-provided institutions has got out of hand. That’s why teachers in Free Schools will have a freer hand in this respect. One simple form of abuse will be to deny children in Free Schools free school meals.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2014
More from Education