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Posts Tagged ‘tories’

Conservative Party to adopt new ‘jackboot’ logo in place of tree

SchweinhundsThe Conservative Party has decided to rebrand itself as ‘The Workers Party,’ following poor opinion poll ratings among low-waged workers in marginal constituencies.

They have also been urged by constituency MPs to replace the party’s logo – currently a green tree – because it no longer reflects the party’s aspirations and the leader’s determination to ‘get rid of all this green crap.’

A backbencher has suggested adopting a boot as the party’s new symbol, to suggest sympathy with hardworking Brits who, as a consequence of the global economic crisis of 2008, have had to show resilience and fortitude by pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. However, a graphic design consultancy asked to submit some preliminary images said it was difficult to make the bootstraps stand out in silhouette, and suggested the party might prefer to use the more classic outline of a military jackboot instead.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2014
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‘I heard Feldman not saying it,’ claims Grant Shapps

‘I distinctly heard him not say it, and in fact on the way home I clearly recall saying to my wife, “It’s a good thing Lord Feldman didn’t call our activists ‘swivel-eyed loons’ at today’s event”.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2013
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Chancellor now understands ‘why we cry’

surely just a pilot project which shouldn't be allowed outside NewhamScientists today expressed excitement that the pioneering android Chancellor, Gideon11, may have for the first time experienced something equivalent to human emotion.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2013
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Rash of jailed Tory peers on TV ‘proves Conservatives are still relevant’, claims Cameron

The huge number of ennobled ex-convicts appearing on British media outlets in the last few days proves the Tory party is ‘still in touch with the popular mood’, said David Cameron in a speech last night.

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2013
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Cameron preparing air strike on Eastleigh

The Conservative party will mount an air strike and troop invasion of Eastleigh should the town be recaptured on Thursday by the Lib Dems.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2013
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