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Posts Tagged ‘Treasury’

Government agrees to ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ with G4S over being ripped off

Whitehall has agreed to allow G4S to bid for lucrative contracts again, on the condition that they ‘don’t make it too obvious’ when they’re defrauding the public purse of hundreds of millions of pounds.

At a press conference earlier today, a Treasury spokesman confirmed that a ‘gentlemen’s bargain’ had been struck, saying that ‘Ultimately, we know the private sector will always provide better value for money than our own bloated and befuddled ways. If we have to turn a blind eye to a few pens missing from the office, or bars of gold from the Bank of England, then that’s just the price we pay for the extraordinary expertise they bring in providing trained security guards for international events and tagging prisoners who are definitely alive and still under surveillance, rather than not really there at all, really.’

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Posted: Apr 13th, 2014
More from Business



Triple-dip latest: Jubilant Chancellor ‘ready’ for outpouring of national gratitude

The ever-popular Chancellor, George Osborne, has led a wave of national jubilation after the wonderful news emerged that the UK has avoided a triple-dip recession.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Guests complain of ‘swingeing cuts’ at Danny Alexander’s daughter’s 3rd birthday

Cake was provided by Mr Laws‘He defended it by saying he was only combating the previous party’s legacy of excess. Maisy Thompson only had a face-painter for Christ’s sake.’

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2010
More from Politics



Fury at Treasury plans for windfall tax on déjà vu

Consumer groups have reacted furiously to a leaked Treasury email suggesting that Alistair Darling will include a windfall tax on déjà vu in his Budget today, in a move designed to raise £3.5 billion without alienating younger voters. ‘The sight of Hoon, Hewitt and Byers promising access for cash has led to a huge rise [...]

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2010
More from News In Brief