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Posts Tagged ‘Treatment’

‘A&E targets could be met if we stopped treating patients,’ doctors say

‘We’ve made fantastic progress,’ said a senior A&E consultant, referring to the news that the NHS was missing fewer targets than in November. ‘First we started locking the doors, then we gave everybody a couple of aspirin and told them to fuck off. Most never returned, so they were clearly putting it on.’

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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Doctors to fight Ebola virus with NHS food

As yet there is no known cure for Ebola but the doctor in charge of the case has said he is yet to find anything that is able to survive a dose of NHS macaroni cheese and a follow up course of lukewarm apple pie and custard-like liquid.

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Platitudes to be available on NHS

Doctors are being asked to cut down the number of drugs they prescribe to their patients, and offer a range of platitudes instead. These will now be available on the NHS

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Posted: Feb 5th, 2013
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