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Posts Tagged ‘twitter’

New English GCSE to require all answers to be less than 140-characters

Efforts to modernise the dated GCSE English syllabus have been announced by the Department for Education today. All GCSE English answers will be required to adhere to the 140-character limit to prepare students for a future in social media.

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
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Twenty-minute Facebook outage leaves millions of dinners unphotographed

A global panic was triggered on Friday evening after a twenty-minute Facebook outage left millions of users unable to upload sepia-toned pictures of what they were having for tea. The downtime, which is the second the network has experienced in as many months, also left many unable to tag themselves in the airport, share even more photos of their dogs, or tell people that they’re waiting for a BT engineer to arrive.

42-year-old Sandra Hough from Birmingham, who religiously shares a photo of a bottle of Summer Fruits Kopparberg with the telly in the background on a Friday, was also left frustrated. ‘This is the one time of the week I get a few hours to relax and take several photos of my drink, but it’s totally meaningless if I’m unable to show the whole f***ing world. I haven’t spoken to these people for decades, but it’s imperative that they know when I’m trying to relax with an artificially flavoured cider’.

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Posted: Aug 3rd, 2014
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Internet now with ‘Auto-Adolf-Comparison’ feature

A new internet feature is being activated which auto-corrects all similes and metaphors so that they reference Hitler.

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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Police to investigate biggest dinosaur jokes; ‘too soon’

The Metropolitan police have confirmed that they will look into complaints made to them about ‘tasteless, so-called, jokes’ made on Twitter about the recently discovered fossil of the world’s largest dinosaur in Patagonia.

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Posted: May 20th, 2014
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Politicians turn to the hashtag to implement policies

Now that he ‘s discovered the bandwagon for tweeting a selfie holding a popular hashtag, David Cameron is planning sweeping reforms of the way that power is wielded in the corridors of Westminster.

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Posted: May 12th, 2014
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