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Posts Tagged ‘twitter’

Facebook to be split into ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ divisions

'quantitative poking' button coming soonFollowing its plans to break up Britain’s banks, the EU has announced controversial proposals to separate Facebook into two distinct ‘Sanctimonious Bullsh*t’ and ‘Stalking’ units.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2015
More from Politics



Islamic State tweets ‘haters gonna hate’

Hacking into the US military’s Centcom account, hackers working for IS have sent a clear message to the world that ‘Harry Styles is lush’. Using social media, the terrorist organisation has spelt out their commitment to a Middle Eastern caliphate, a continued reign of violence and ‘the spamming of lol catz’.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
More from News In Brief



Former school bullies actually doing quite well

Revenge fantasies have been dashed today after it was revealed that all those who bullied you at school now have pretty good lives, and are not begging on the street or trapped in dead-end jobs after all.

The new survey reveals that, despite their lack of formal qualifications from school, many have worked their way up and found highly aspirational careers using exactly those skills they gained pushing you around and laughing at your inadequacies.

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Posted: Jan 3rd, 2015
More from Features



NATS ‘needs a life’ to reopen London airspace

NATS spokesman Michael Lovelace said: ‘Too many near misses and the programme locks you out. We either need 30,000 likes or one of the other NATS in Europe to send us a life. We’ve got our technicians updating Facebook and Twitter constantly in the hope we’ll reach the target by this evening.’

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Trumpton constituency “winnable”, say UKIP

The marginal constituency of Trumpton East & Chigley is “absolutely on our list of winnable seats”, says UKIP, after persuading local residents that it is actually a real party, not something made up to entertain children.

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2014
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