NewsBiscuit

Set against the backdrop of Kenyan massacres and Iraqi insurgency, FIFA is concerned that Islamist militants may not be giving Brazil 2014 their full attention. Despite wall-to-wall TV coverage, there is a growing suspicion that some of the world’s population are choosing not to embrace footballing worship and are instead favouring revolution, seventy two virgins and a ‘nice game of croquet’.

Although the World Cup cost well in excess of $14 billion, Sunni militants seem more obsessed with Baghdad than the melodious prose of Phil Neville. New technologies such as vanishing foam, goal-line sensors and improved corruption have failed to distract Jihadists from their ultimate goal of ‘keeping Wayne Rooney off the front page’. Even a prize money totalling $576m and the lure of the percussive caxirola, does not seem to have dented the extremists’ love of all shoot outs, except penalties.

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Posted: Jun 17th, 2014
More from Sport, World News

UK diplomats have asked for urgent reassurances from the US after news reports that President Barack Obama has ‘rekindled’ the special relationship between Poland and the USA.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014
More from From The Archives

Less than 24 hours after being granted UK minority status, Cornish independence party Mebyon Kernow have announced the county has seceded from Great Britain with immediate effect and can now be considered a separate country. Teams of civil engineers and demolition experts began simultaneous action to destroy road and rail bridges and widening the Tamar to place a 300 metre water border between themselves and Devon.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2014
More from News In Brief

Prime Minister David Cameron has sent a stark warning to the Russian ambassador to London, saying that any military intervention in the Ukraine would be in serious breach of international law, could escalate tensions and would blatantly ‘pinch our idea!’. This sentiment was echoed by the Whitehouse, who claimed that ‘sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong’ is as American as ‘apple pie’, ‘type one diabetes’ and ‘high school massacres’.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
More from World News

Tensions between the United Kingdom and Spain reached ever higher levels as a member of the Gibraltarian parliament was stopped at the Spanish Border and subjected to the ignominy of having his Diplomatic Bag searched.

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Posted: Nov 27th, 2013
More from News In Brief