An industry survey has revealed that almost half of prospective buyers believe it will take them seven years or more to raise the deposit they need to purchase a season ticket allowing them to travel to work by train. [read...]
Panic buyers have given up stockpiling toilet paper and have gone for the next cheapest equivalent – the UK currency. The holographic £20 has become the perineal cleaner of choice, with the Queen’s face reassuringly starring back at you; [read...]
Following on from Brexit Party MEPs reaching ‘peak bell end’ on their last day in the European Parliament, European Commission President, Ursula von der Layen, has ordered that the EU’s stock of Union Jacks should be sold to Iran at a bargain-basement sale price, [read...]
In an embarrassing moment for the EU, its final farewell to Britain today was unfortunately mistranslated as “So long, and thanks for all the fish”. In a hastily written apology, the Spanish delegate said they hadn’t meant to be quite so honest about their feelings, [read...]
Meteorologists were today said to be ‘cautiously optimistic’ that the skies over much of Britain would tonight be the gloomiest in living memory. ‘You might think a grey sky is a grey sky is a grey sky,’ [read...]
