The Minister for Defence Procurement, Harriet Baldwin, has said that Theresa May’s traditional mode of defence – puffing up like an adder – needs to be updated. A £30m prototype laser weapon will help transform Downing Street into a lair that ‘any super-villain would be proud of’ – [read...]
Meteorologists were today said to be ‘cautiously optimistic’ that the skies over much of Britain would tonight be the gloomiest in living memory. ‘You might think a grey sky is a grey sky is a grey sky,’ [read...]
Fears of a huge influx of immigrants from Romania and Bulgaria have given way to indignation after a poll showed workers from the two countries are preparing to ‘avoid Britain like the plague’, [read...]
There has been international outrage at the revelation that Australia has been encroaching on its northern neighbours. The President of Papua New Guinea has ordered his armed forces (Eric and Bill) onto a war footing and is suggesting that diplomatic relations with Australia might be severed if the continent refuses to return to its own waters. [read...]
Thanks to a shift in tectonic plates, a SatNav update and a petition from New Zealand, Australians are making a bold move to return to the motherland – or more accurately ‘where their sentencing took place’. [read...]
