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Posts Tagged ‘UKIP’

Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

UKIP members in South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an ‘everyman’ to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of Bishop’s Cock.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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UKIP propose residency test questions to be taken from University Challenge

UKIP have unveiled a manifesto pledge to make the British Citizenship UK residency test more stringent by lifting the questions directly from University Challenge. The proposals will also see applicants being asked to play ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams on the violin instead of singing the national anthem.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2014
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‘I was born in the wrong body,’ says Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has revealed he is undertaking a course of political reassignment and is now living as ‘Nigel Chomsky’. ‘I was born in the body of a privileged right-winger but from as early as I can remember I wanted to be a socialist,’ Chomsky said.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2014
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UKIP defends MEP’s ‘speak like Blair’ advice

Labour has claimed that this shows Nigel Farage’s complete failure to clean up his party but Farage said: ‘Bill gave a seminar on public speaking and highlighted great speakers of the past, like Blair and Adolf Hitler as people whose style should be studied. We’re not condoning Blair’s actions, of course.’

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2014
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EU admits ‘90% of policies are solely to annoy Farage’

EU Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso has admitted to journalists that most of the decisions made by the EU are now designed with the sole purpose of winding up UKIP leader Nigel Farage.

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2014
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