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Posts Tagged ‘UKIP’

Cameron promises not to serve a third term. Voters helpfully rule out a second

his goose is cookedIn an attempt to manage public expectation, the Prime Minister has said he will not be swayed into staying in office, regardless of any mass displays of affection. Meanwhile, nonplussed voters assured Mr. Cameron that no such displays had been planned; unless he meant the voodoo doll, abusive graffiti or the barrels of gunpowder stored under the House of Commons.

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2015
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UKIP to throw out all Anglo-Saxon immigrants

After the publication of the most detailed genetic map of the UK, Nigel Farage has reiterated his aim to remove all immigrants from the UK, starting with those French and Germans who have been invading our sacred isles since, at least, before 1066.

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2015
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Millions watch idiot UKIP candidate totally ‘eclipse’ idiot UKIP leader

Vote UKIPSchool children, wearing protective goggles, were yesterday treated to the rare glimpse of Nigel Farage’s face been obscured in tabloid papers by reports of a fraudulent UKIP colleague, Janice Atkinson.

The expenses scandal of the MEP for England’s South East covered most of The Sun, which would normally be seen across the UK, shining out of Rupert Murdoch’s posterior.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2015
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UKIP vows to repeal outdated child labour laws

'only way forward is back to the past'In an unexpected and unprecedented announcement, Nigel Farage has let slip UKIP’s plans to repeal what it called restrictive and outdated labour laws relating to the employment of children.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2015
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Desperate people escaping UKIP campaigners under lorries

‘Our people lived peacefully for many years under our benevolent Lib Dem MP, who showed up on our doorsteps every four years spouting harmless rubbish,’ he explained.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2015
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