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DUP floats ‘ducking-stool’ compromise
Suspected witches will be ducked at noon every Saturday and anyone who is found identifying as having a sexuality other than heterosexual will receive ’10 lashes o’ the Cat’. [read...]
Tagged UKIP
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Large Hadron Collider could let foreign particles in, complains Farage
Nigel Farage has slammed the Large Hadron Collider for taking two years off work then coming back online to ‘deliberately introduce dark matter into an already crowded Universe’. The UKIP leader has long highlighted quantum immigration as an ‘explosive issue’ [read...]
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Cameron secured box of chocolates from EU
‘I have in my hand a box of chocolates,’ proclaimed a triumphant PM. ‘It is a full and total settlement of all my demands for EU reform. I asked for a total return to British judicial and fiscal autonomy as well as the right to slay one in five asylum seekers for four years before paying any benefits. [read...]
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Chaos as Farage starts campaign to leave WTO
Nigel Farage has started a campaign for Britain to leave the World Trade Organisation. He made a speech denouncing the fact that Britain’s status is dependent on the agreement of over a hundred other countries. [read...]
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Nigel Farage quits as Nigel Farage
Nigel Farage has quit as Nigel Farage, a position he has held since 1964, claiming that the current Nigel Farage is unrecognisable from the man who famously began his non-racist campaign for the UK to leave the EU nearly two decades ago. [read...]