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Posts Tagged ‘UKIP’

Countdown to general election: the nation rejoices

The by-elections in Clacton and Heywood have led to bunting being put up and spontaneous dancing in the streets across the land as it finally dawned on the electorate that a general election is only months away.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
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Shopkeepers near UKIP leader’s home pretending not to speak English

goodbye please
‘What what? Goodbye please?’’

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
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Parliament rushes through soccer-style January UKIP transfer window

Nigel Farage was today sensationally wrong-footed as the UK parliament passed legislation to only allow defections from the main political parties to UKIP during the same timeframes as current English football transfer windows.

As the next football transfer window is from 1-31 January next year, UKIP defections will only be allowed during the same period.

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2014
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Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

UKIP members in South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an ‘everyman’ to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of Bishop’s Cock.

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2014
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UKIP propose residency test questions to be taken from University Challenge

UKIP have unveiled a manifesto pledge to make the British Citizenship UK residency test more stringent by lifting the questions directly from University Challenge. The proposals will also see applicants being asked to play ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams on the violin instead of singing the national anthem.

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Posted: Aug 20th, 2014
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