‘There are some very good teachers out there,’ said a government minister, ‘but too many are coming to school without the proper gym kit. Tired excuses such as ‘my washing machine broke’ and ‘my dog ate it’ simply will not be tolerated anymore’

Pupils seemed positive about the idea. At all boys school in Guildford, students were reported to have shown a renewed interest in volleyball after one female member of staff taught them dressed only in her bra and knickers.
fernandomando

Mike Palmersgate has set himself different targets every January for the last five years but sadly has never managed to keep to any of them. Last year he went jogging two days in a row before failing to get out of bed on the third day. In 2005 he promised himself he would give up smoking, but only lasted until January 4th. But this year, his New Year’s Resolution was broken while Mike was still fast asleep.

From January 1st 2007, Mike had promised his girlfriend Sharon that he would try to stop dressing up in her underwear. But at seven o’clock this morning, Sharon heard movement in the bathroom and went to investigate. There she saw Mike prancing about in the fancy lingerie that he had bought her for Christmas.

‘Mike was sleepwalking,’ she explained. ‘He’s not a transvestite or anything, it was just another one of his bad dreams. He does this a lot, poor thing. But it’s amazing that he managed to find the underwear hidden away at the back of my wardrobe, then get it all out of the packet and fiddle with all the straps and put on the stockings and everything.’

Mike’s previous sleepwalking antics have involved him taking money from Sharon’s purse and sleepwalking all the way to ladies’ clothes shops and buying bras and knickers. Another time he was fast asleep and he walked to a drag bar having applied lipstick and mascara.

‘I generally wake him very gently and then explain that he’s been sleepwalking again. Then he takes off the ladies clothes and I take them back to the shop. I used to get cross with him wearing my dresses and everything. But you can hardly blame anyone for what they do in their sleep.’