The prospect of thousands of little green men signing on for JobSeeker’s Allowance at Jobcentres across the UK is forcing government ministers to tighten the rules for accessing welfare benefits.
Posted: Mar 9th, 2013
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‘There was a huge and sudden drop in the demand for skilled toy-makers just after Christmas in 2011, which nobody saw coming. This hit one minority group particularly hard, namely elves. Some re-trained as jockeys but for many it has been a difficult year,’ said Mr Osborne.
Posted: Nov 15th, 2012
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Crisis-hit football club Portsmouth FC today announced that it would be handing Championship debuts to four new players this Saturday, recruited to complete unpaid work experience under the government’s controversial Right To Work scheme for the long-term unemployed.
Due to its precarious financial position, the FA barred the club from signing any footballers in the January transfer window. And after selling a number of top players in a frantic cost-cutting exercise, manager Michael Appleton found himself short of a goalkeeper, a defender and two strikers for Saturday’s crucial fixture against fellow strugglers Bristol City.
Posted: Mar 17th, 2012
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Manchester’s premier criminal syndicate has announced it will be opening up three hundred new positions in their local gangs in the area. New applicants should apply in the back alley of Tibb Street, knock three times on the door and say the password ‘Lotusflower’.
Posted: Feb 26th, 2012
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‘The concept can’t even get off the ground if half the population are sitting on their arse at home watching the Jeremy Kyle Show.’
Posted: Feb 6th, 2012
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