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Posts Tagged ‘unemployment’

Job Centre commends escaped robber for finding work so quickly

Bosses at the Job Centre have expressed how pleased they are today following the news that escaped convict Michael “Scull Cracker” Wheatley was able to find work just days after leaving prison.

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Posted: May 8th, 2014
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Benefit claimants pleased at prospect of zero-hour contracts

In what appears to be the perfect deal for those either unable or reluctant to work, the government plans to push claimants off benefits and into jobs they will not have to do. The rationale being that if people only have to work zero hours, they will have plenty of time to make money elsewhere.

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Posted: May 7th, 2014
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PowerPoint demonstration delights sceptical meeting

‘Difficult messages eased by beautiful use of a diagonal slow screen wipe from top-right to bottom left.’

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2014
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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’

Aliens could claim child tax credits for children living outside the orbit of Pluto‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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Fairground goldfish unemployment at all time high

Figures released today show that there has been a huge increase in unemployment amongst fairground goldfish since 1988.

Finnegan Scales, spokesperson for the Goldfish Workers Union, claims the government ‘isn’t doing enough’ to prevent the tide of inflatable plastic hammers and oversized cuddly toys coming in from abroad.

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2014
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