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Posts Tagged ‘Universal credit’

Iain Duncan Smith to host primetime TV immigration quiz show

Fair, transparent and completely on scheduleThe contestants face a series of interrogations from both Duncan Smith and ‘The Wanker’, a mystery voice from the DWP who sneers derisively at their pleas on the end of a telephone line.

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Posted: Dec 22nd, 2014
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Iain Duncan Smith to simplify all his cock-ups into one Universal Cock-Up

'unfit for purpose' now made more efficiently 'unfit for purpose'‘The current system of cock-ups is complicated and confusing,’ said the Work and Pensions Secretary. ‘Even I have trouble keeping track of them all.’

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2014
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Universal Credit to be exported to Mars

Ian Duncan Smith has unveiled plans to make the benefits system truly ‘universal’ by exporting it to Mars. The Department of Work and Pensions has been in secret talks with Imperial College London and NASA to launch a spacecraft, to be called the Debacle, next summer

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2013
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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’

Aliens could claim child tax credits for children living outside the orbit of Pluto‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’

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Posted: Mar 9th, 2013
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