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Posts Tagged ‘USA’

Republicans urge American police to ‘shoot more poor white folks’

A prominent Republican has urged American law enforcers to senselessly murder innocent white people, to ‘free police from the fashionable accusation of racism’. Senator Jimmy Smithers, who represents Hotsprings County, Alabama, received a warm welcome when he suggested officers ‘git out there and kill themselves some white guys to even the score, and make it look like nobody’s getting favoured.’ He went on to recommend the victims of the suggested shootings should be ‘poor white folk whose widows can’t afford to hire fancy lawyers.’

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
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US pledge to quit bombing things during October

US Secretary of State John Kerry, who reluctantly agreed to the idea, said: ‘It’s going to be tough, but we’ve received some really helpful support packs from NATO on how to control the urges we’re likely to face over the coming weeks.

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Posted: Oct 3rd, 2014
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ISIS writes messages in sand to taunt US bombers over Ryder Cup defeat

It has emerged that Islamic State fighters have resorted to making disparaging comments about the United States heavy Ryder Cup defeat this weekend.

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Posted: Sep 29th, 2014
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Tough American cop fails to find informant in strip joint

"Nothing of interest here. I guess I'll just move along."When Seargeant Roy Myers of Precinct 14 on the mean streets of East Rutherford, New Jersey, heard that Joey ‘Fingers’ Dalessandro might know something about a recent spate of gangland murders, his sources told him that he would be sure to find his man at the Little Darlings strip joint on Highway 36. His sources were wrong.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2014
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US to introduce border height restrictions

US border guards having to look harder to find themIn order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs help tying their shoe laces or still believes in the tooth fairy. While some fear this might unfairly target Republican nominee Rick Perry, most agree to the rewording of the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor…but no one under four foot eight’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2014
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