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Posts Tagged ‘USA’

US to introduce border height restrictions

US border guards having to look harder to find themIn order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches ‘Sesame street’, needs help tying their shoe laces or still believes in the tooth fairy. While some fear this might unfairly target Republican nominee Rick Perry, most agree to the rewording of the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor…but no one under four foot eight’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2014
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UK blasts ‘uncaring’ US after Obama hails historic relationship with Poland

Gdansk for the memoriesUK diplomats have asked for urgent reassurances from the US after news reports that President Barack Obama has ‘rekindled’ the special relationship between Poland and the USA.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014
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US officials manage to keep a straight face whilst accusing China of data theft

In a show of unprecedented hypocrisy, the USA is to charge Chinese military officials with stealing data. The US, who probably have someone looking at you through your window right now, are appalled at the audacity of a secretive, government-sponsored agency eavesdropping on their information.

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Posted: May 21st, 2014
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‘Birthers’ conflicted after Obama’s birth certificate proves he is son of God

on a mission to heal the sickRepublican conspiracy theorists have reported bewilderment today after their persistent claims for documentary evidence of the President’s place of birth were answered by a birth certificate confirming that Barack Obama was born neither in Hawaii or Kenya, but in a stable in Bethlehem.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2014
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US threatens Russia with more sanctions, starting with the export of Disney films

Barrack Obama has stepped up the rhetoric in the dispute with Vladimir Putin over Russia’s actions in Ukraine, confirming that any further threats to Ukrainian sovereignty would lead to drastic action, starting with a full and non-negotiable export ban on Disney films.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
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