Vampire hunter Dr Van Helsing is to seek an employment tribunal after being banned from wearing a cross at work for fear of upsetting vampires. Under the terms of the ban, vampire slayers are barred from displaying religious symbols in the workplace, but may carry two sticks, which in the event of an unforeseen supernatural event can be fashioned into a rudimentary cruciform.
Posted: Apr 3rd, 2010
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A ‘teenage’ vampire has announced that he is quitting Cedar Falls, the small American town that he has stalked for the last two centuries, due to the crippling lack of introvert, socially isolated yet quirkily attractive goth girls.
Posted: Feb 16th, 2010
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The Health and Diet Advisory commission today turned its attention to the pallid and gaunt villains of the Harry Potter saga, the Death Eaters. ‘The moment I saw Barty Crouch jnr unmasked in the Goblet of Fire, I said to myself, ‘Zinc deficiency!” said Maurice Poole, a Commission nutrition expert and policy advisor. ‘Then when they brought in Bellatrix Lestrange with her bulging eyes, we all said simultaneously, ‘She’s got goitre!’
Posted: Sep 11th, 2009
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