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Posts Tagged ‘Vince Cable’

David Cameron appoints new head of strategy, Englebert Humperdinck

first job is a Strategy for Europe‘My first task is help sex up Mr Cameron’s image,’ explained the septuagenarian pop sensation. ‘To appeal to that all-important female demographic, David is growing a nice pair of mutton chop side burns.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2015
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Voters urged to keep their receipts

Voters have been told they should keep their receipt when they visit the polling station for May’s General Election. ‘If they get home, look on the box and realise they have a Government they don’t actually want, they should be able to return it for a full refund or exchange within 28 days,’ Dr Sarah McBeach, a polling expert said. ‘But only if they can produce their receipt.’

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Posted: Feb 18th, 2015
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UN asked to intervene in Obama-Cameron ‘bromance’

US and UK set to veto any end to 'relations'The UN has been called upon to act ‘swiftly and decisively’ amid worsening affection between Barack Obama and David Cameron at the Whitehouse last week. Public decency is said to be in tatters after lurid scenes of togetherness between the US president and his ‘bro’ were aired on prime-time television with no warning. Rumours that Cameron referred to Obama as his ‘homie’ are mercifully unconfirmed.

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2015
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Clegg ‘in tears’ after Cameron reveals truth about Santa

it's really going to hurt when he reaises Lib Dem voters don't exist eitherNick Clegg is reported to have fled the Cabinet Briefing Room in tears today following an ‘emotional’ and ‘frank’ discussion with David Cameron about Father Christmas.

‘I told Dave to stop,’ said Vince Cable, ‘but he seemed to be enjoying Nick’s discomfort a little too much. He had this sly little smile on his face. George Osborne was there too, warming his backside against the fire and throwing in snide comments about the Tooth Fairy.’

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2014
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Horse gives impassioned speech at Liberal party conference

Topper 'aims to be Prime Minister one day'Initiatives aimed at bringing shire horses down a peg or two and making life easier for the ‘undervalued’ Shetland pony community

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2014
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