David Cameron and Barack Obama have today ruled out the possibility of taking any military action in Ukraine, on the grounds that Russia definitely does have Weapons of Mass Destruction. ‘We don’t need to send in Hans Blix to justify anything this time’, explained the Prime Minister.
Posted: Mar 6th, 2014
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European Union leaders have made their first common statement on the Ukraine crisis, warning Russia that its actions leave them no choice but to be ‘really, really frosty’ at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
‘The aggressive action of the Russian government towards a sovereign European state is unacceptable,’ the statement reads. ‘We are all completely in agreement that, unless the Crimea is returned to Ukrainian control, we will make things really, really awkward in the green room at this year’s Eurovision, make no mistake. We will certainly not cheer when the Russians come on, we will wave no Russian flags, and if anybody votes for them we will tut, not just firmly, but audibly.’
Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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The state of Israel is thought to be planning a transfer bid for Russia’s Vladimir Putin when the summer transfer window opens, claim reliable sources.
Posted: Mar 3rd, 2014
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David Cameron is today under pressure to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the UK’s Olympic legacy.
Unfavourable comparisons have been drawn after Russia rode the wave of post-Sochi euphoria across the Ukrainian border, deep into the heart of Crimea.
Posted: Mar 2nd, 2014
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There was delight around the world as Russia put on an impressive affirmation of its commitment to the rights of individuals and the promotion of homosexuality. The festival was launched with a glittering show featuring galloping white horses, flying Cossacks and shirtless bodybuilders performing ironmongery.
Posted: Feb 9th, 2014
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