East European countries are vowing to reintroduce vowels to their languages. ‘Vowels have been endangered in Eastern Europe since before the Second World War,’ said Crystoph ZZvlynski, of the Polish Vowel Research Unit in Warsaw. [read...]
The government has concluded that the only solution to the Windrush generation debacle is to award all descendants of the immigration policy lasting domicile in the UK. ‘Unfortunately this leaves our immigration targets totally overshot,’ [read...]
Thousands of overweight racists are to spend today honouring the Great British tradition of getting really angry at the lack of celebrations for St George’s Day, if they are not too busy recovering from burning their shiny heads during the first appearance of sunshine since last October. [read...]
Tropical cyclone Hurricane Orphelia is to be trialled in Scotland as a preparation for possible rollout across the UK, the Government has announced. A Government minister told us: ‘If we look at the previous ‘no hurricanes’ system, [read...]
Following Prime Minister Theresa May’s assertion that ‘the ball is now in the EU’s court’, discussions about Brexit are to be based entirely on sporting metaphors. EU chief negotiator has blamed the UK for taking their eye off the ball, [read...]
