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Posts Tagged ‘war on drugs’

Authorities ‘winning the War on Muesli’

millions of pounds worth flooding the UK every yearThe rising price of muesli across the globe is proof that the international trade in this illicit breakfast cereal is finally ‘in retreat’ according to the UK’s Serious Organised Crime Agency.

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Posted: May 15th, 2012
More from Lifestyle



Massive binge leads cultural leaders to call for legalisation of drugs

Branson pickledMr Branson called for a rethink of current drugs policies and asked if someone wouldn’t mind popping down to the garage to get ‘some of those crisps in the big green packet’.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2011
More from World News



Return to 1950s-style policing as drug lord given ‘a good clip round the ear’

The Home Secretary has heralded the return to traditional 1950s-style policing methods as ‘a major success’ after a local bobby smashed an international drug ring and gave their leader a ‘jolly good talking to’ and a ‘clip round the ear’.

‘I know how to deal with these young scallywags,’ said PC George Dixon, who single-handedly disarmed a gun-toting militia of South American drug dealers using only his warm, avuncular, moralising presence.

‘When I entered the drugs factory I immediately knew that these little rascals were up to no good,’ said PC Dixon, ‘I had strong words with all of them. And let me tell you, they won’t be doing that sort of thing again in a hurry.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2010
More from UK News



Government relaxes policy on drugs after trying them

Some ministers had tried heroin, but didn't inject‘I must say, I can’t see what all the fuss was ever about,’ gushed a stupidly grinning Jack Straw at a press conference in the gents’ toilets of Soho’s Groucho Club.

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Posted: Oct 14th, 2009
More from News In Brief



Catholic customs catch man smuggling condoms inside massive consignment of drugs

Investigation finally reached a climax‘This is a major victory in our War on Prophylactics.’

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Posted: May 22nd, 2009
More from Faith