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Posts Tagged ‘War’

The West gets thank you card from Iraq

The West was seen blushing today after the remaining people in Iraq presented it with handmade ‘thank you’ card, signed by everyone who hasn’t had their fingers blown off or heads amputated.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2015
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More countries allowing women combat roles ‘could lead to female-only battles’

Women worldwide have demanded the equal right to fight each other to the death in a military conflict, leaving male chauvinist critics to make lame jokes about where they will put their handbags while handling surface to air weapons, and whether they will take slightly longer to get battle-ready than their male counterparts.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2015
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Sony to fire film reels into North Korea in retaliation

Sony has vowed to retaliate against the ‘unwarranted hacking’ of its computer system by North Korea by moving a battery of film reel launchers up to the 38th parallel. ‘If they think The Candidate was disrespectful, wait until we lob copies of Bad Haircut, one of Ryan Sommers Baum’s best roles,’ a spokesman said.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
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Torturers and torture victims to be tortured until they tell truth about torture

truth will out, with a bit of help...After revelations that the CIA used ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ to torture prisoners, it has emerged that British forces may have to be tortured to see if they admit to having taken part in similar practices after 9/11 and during recent Middle East wars. The army believes that, unpalatable though it is, this may be the only way to the truth.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2014
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DEFRA fancies ‘one last fling’ at culling badgers

Disturbing reports are emerging that some staff within the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs have a growing desire to go out and kill more badgers. ‘To be honest, we’re not all that bothered about the TB. It’s just embarrassing, feeling that they defeated us,’ said a masked DEFRA spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 7th, 2014
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