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Posts Tagged ‘War’

UN rules should make wars ‘a little less rapey and killy’

‘The introduction of clear rules in boxing allowed men to punch seven shades of shit out of each other in the controlled environment of a boxing ring. We see no reason why this wouldn’t also work with war.’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2012
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US announces staged withdrawal from ‘spillage in aisle 14’

still considering pre-emptive strike on LidlUS President Barack Obama has promised that all US troops will exit from Tesco Extra, Chingford by 2019 ‘at the very latest’. The staged withdrawal, is set to begin in earnest September 2013 – before the start of the unforgiving ‘English winter’ – with the removal of 12,000 troops from the Jams, Spreads, Preserves and Marmalades aisle.

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Posted: Nov 15th, 2011
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Ministry of Defence ‘mislays’ small war

Following an auditor’s report that the Ministry of Defence lost track of assets worth £6.3bn, embarrassed officials confirmed last night that the department had also managed to mislay a small war it was conducting.

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Posted: Jul 6th, 2011
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MoD to issue combat soldiers with armour made from grandfather’s pocket watches

The Ministry of Defence has swooped on antique shops across Britain after discovering that most Great War survivors had been saved by a future heirloom in their pocket, usually a fob watch or cigarette case, deflecting a Jerry bullet.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2011
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Red Arrows on standby for No-Fly Zone Grand Finale spectacular

aaaand... Break!The organisers of Farnborough Air Display have announced a ‘very special event’ this year, with the show relocating from its traditional Hampshire setting to the ‘vast, empty skies above Libya’. ‘Rusting, burnt-out tanks with their drooping gun barrels casting long shadows across the arid desert will provide a backdrop of natural beauty,’ said the show’s artistic director, Raphael Nureyev. The decision to take the air display to Libya was one of the lesser-reported outcomes of the recent London Summit. Foreign Ministers from across the globe agreed it would teach Gaddafi a lesson if he was made to sit through the entire weekend event, watching endless demonstrations of the world’s latest aeronautic wonders and fly-pasts by French fighter-jets.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2011
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