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Posts Tagged ‘War’

Assad condemns fitness levels after ‘sudden outbreak of asthma’ among Syrians

a massive bombardment of salbutamol should sort itSyrian President Bashar al-Assad has told the world’s media that he ‘will not rest’ until residents of Damascus commit to the sort of physical exercise regime that would prevent them succumbing to the sudden bouts of asthma captured on news footage last week.

‘I am sure the whole world will join me in condemning the irresponsible lifestyle choices of my subjects,’ said President Assad today. ‘Gasping for breath, clawing at your face, even suddenly falling down and dying – any doctor will tell you that this is the fate that befalls you if you don’t partake in regular aerobic exercise. It is a sobering lesson for Syria, but we will learn from it and move on.’

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2013
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Poundland declares independence from UK

Poundland has announced that it intends to become an independent sovereign state, and will now instead be known as the Democratic People’s Republic of Poundland.

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Geordies vow revenge after Angel of the North is ‘defiled’ by coat

a blatant attack on heroic Newcastle nights out In an act of vandalism that has been described as being ‘as insulting to Geordies as depicting the prophet Mohammed is to Muslims’, Newcastle’s famous Angel of the North has been given a coat.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2013
More from UK News



Don King announces Falklands War rematch in 2015

already being called the 'Frantic in the Atlantic'After months of shadow boxing, the long awaited Falklands War rematch has been confirmed for 2015 to coincide with general elections in Britain and Argentina.

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Posted: Jun 20th, 2012
More from World News



UN rules should make wars ‘a little less rapey and killy’

‘The introduction of clear rules in boxing allowed men to punch seven shades of shit out of each other in the controlled environment of a boxing ring. We see no reason why this wouldn’t also work with war.’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2012
More from World News