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Posts Tagged ‘Wayne Rooney’

Sporting excellence linked to quality of bedtime stories

Voldemort spurs them onHaving discovered that sleeping patterns impact on performance levels, researchers at the University of Birmingham have now revealed that top athletes perform best when their passage from wakefulness to sleep includes chapters read from Harry Potter, with all the voices ‘done by a grown up’.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2015
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Neptune cleared over World Cup bid irregularities

Pluto being lined up for 2026, if the price is rightFIFA announced this morning that their internal inquiry has formally cleared the successful 2022 World Cup bid from the planet Neptune of all corruption charges.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2014
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Murray apologises for expressing non-bland opinion

and if he ever goes on Strictly...Tennis star Andy Murray has issued a statement of apology to the British public for any offence he may have caused by saying something that was not a confused jumble of sports-related clichés in a miserable-sounding voice.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2014
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Manchester United crowds to be banned from looking at scores

"Moyes, Moyyyyess!"In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Manchester United officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and anything else that might bring about access to the league table from within the hallowed portals Old Trafford.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Total, fcuk and UPS in joint sponsorship deal with England football team

Opposition strangely reluctant to swap shirts after the game‘The combination of these three corporate giants perfectly captures the ethos of the England side.’

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2014
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