NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Wayne Rooney’

Injury may put English football stars out of Sunday’s barbecue

English football fans were anxiously waiting for further team news today, after injuries to several key players left a question mark over their participation in various leisure and social activities this weekend.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 19th, 2014
More from From The Archives



Jihadists ‘not as focused on the World Cup as they should be’

all to play for in the following roundsSet against the backdrop of Kenyan massacres and Iraqi insurgency, FIFA is concerned that Islamist militants may not be giving Brazil 2014 their full attention. Despite wall-to-wall TV coverage, there is a growing suspicion that some of the world’s population are choosing not to embrace footballing worship and are instead favouring revolution, seventy two virgins and a ‘nice game of croquet’.

Although the World Cup cost well in excess of $14 billion, Sunni militants seem more obsessed with Baghdad than the melodious prose of Phil Neville. New technologies such as vanishing foam, goal-line sensors and improved corruption have failed to distract Jihadists from their ultimate goal of ‘keeping Wayne Rooney off the front page’. Even a prize money totalling $576m and the lure of the percussive caxirola, does not seem to have dented the extremists’ love of all shoot outs, except penalties.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 17th, 2014
More from Sport, World News



Uruguay’s new drug laws give England outside chance in World Cup

dope is the only hopeEngland football manager Roy Hodgson has welcomed Uruguay’s decision to allow the cultivation, possession and personal use of marijuana as a potential boost to England’s seemingly forlorn hope of qualifying from a tough group in the World Cup and going on to lose on penalties to Portugal in the knock-out stages.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 12th, 2013
More from Sport



England players to receive win bonus of 40 Benson & Hedges

England’s highly paid international smokers are set to pocket 40 free ciggies if they can overcome the minnows of Montenegro later today. Manager Roy Hodgson gave the go ahead for the controversial bonus despite Joe Hart blaming his recent dip in form on passive smoking in the England dressing room.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 11th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Scientists reveal world’s first lab-grown footballer

be sure to check the 'transfer by' dateIn a breakthrough that could end the shortage of quality players in the English Premier League, scientists at Maastricht University revealed the world’s first synthetic footballer yesterday. Taking stem cells from two short planks they have turned them into strips of dense muscle, which when inflated with vanity becomes a fully formed midfielder.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 5th, 2013
More from Science/Technology