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Posts Tagged ‘Wayne Rooney’

Chelsea up offer for Wayne Rooney by a sack of spuds and a granny

Chelsea football club today dramatically increased the pressure on Manchester United to sell Wayne Rooney, by offering him a sack of potatoes and the unlimited use of a granny.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2013
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Wayne Rooney trapped in home for two days by baby stair gate

After the star failed to report for training it emerged that he had been trapped upstairs in his Cheshire home trying to work out how to open a baby stair gate.

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Posted: May 24th, 2013
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Premier league footballers corner market in Unicorn Sperm

The craze among top sportsmen for investing in equine-emission-based investment vehicles continued this week, as a consortium of Premier League footballers confirmed they have backed the building of the world’s first Unicorn Sperm Bank.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2012
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Lampard becomes latest player ‘too embarrassed to play for England’

The Chelsea midfielder joins a growing list of players who have developed mystery ailments in a bid to retain what little dignity they have.

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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FA Cup semi-final to be replayed until Manchester United win

Under the new rules introduced by the Football Association, the Manchester United versus Manchester City semi-final is to be replayed until Manchester United win.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2011
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