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Posts Tagged ‘weather’

Met Office warns of a warm Christmas

chestnuts to be roasted in the sunshine on the patio‘It’s probable that some areas are going to experience double digit temperatures over Christmas,’ conceded a Met Office official today. ‘We think it could be due to a warm southerly front or the new supercomputer overheating, but there is a real risk of a warm Christmas, with grey skies and light drizzle. You know, like the last 45 Christmases everywhere outside the Scottish Highlands, only a bit warmer still.’

Charities are in crisis mode as they realise that the homeless might prefer to sit outside in balmy weather rather than be fussed over by God bothering, happy-clappy do-gooders in draughty church halls. ‘We have a lake of soup to dispense on Christmas Day, now it looks like we need to find sufficient stocks of white gazpacho at a time of high demand, a real nightmare situation,’ said one charity worker.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
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Foreign students thrive in UK heatwave

The seasonally warm weather is giving those hosting teenagers from southern Europe welcome respite from incessant whinging.

‘Pedro and Sebastian are well mannered, lovely lads’ said Mrs Brown, 45, of Worthing. ‘However, we get pretty fed up with them constantly whining that they’re cold when it’s a positively balmy 19 degrees. They just do not get the concept of a good vest and cardigan.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2014
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Weather happening, according to colleague

Meteorological events are currently going on, according to a work colleague.

Your co-worker first made the stunning observation that conditions outside have not remained entirely stable when he noticed that while it was sunny earlier, rain is now falling from the sky.

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2014
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Met Office refuses to apologise for getting forecast right

‘The computer had to go back to Amstrad to have the memory chips upgraded to four megabytes,’ explained the senior officer on duty, ‘so we had to pull out the maps, crayons, seaweed, everything.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2014
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Met Office issues ASBO

‘We have issued severe weather warning after severe weather warning. Nothing has worked.’

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2014
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