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Posts Tagged ‘welfare’

Conservatives call for more ‘welfare murders’

‘Claimants should be prepared to murder, and if their tragic multiple victims are also on benefits, then we have a win-win situation’

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2014
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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’

Aliens could claim child tax credits for children living outside the orbit of Pluto‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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Cameron outlines plans to cut Scottish immigrants’ benefits

David Cameron has given details today of proposals to restrict the amount of benefits that Scottish immigrants to the UK can claim should Scotland vote for independence next year. Under the plans Scots would have to live in the UK for three months, stop pretending that Irn Bru’s better than Coke and change their ringtone to Swing Low Sweet Chariot before becoming a burden on the welfare state.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2013
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Homeless hit by ‘spare cardboard box tax’

Single homeless people sleeping in cardboard boxes will be penalised for each container over-and-above their ‘main bedroom box’, the government has confirmed. The levy on income will be deducted at source, from the paper cups in front of them, by specially-trained ‘proceeds of begging recovery experts’.

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Posted: May 14th, 2013
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UK poor people must do more to help kill foreign poor people, says Defence Secretary

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond says that poor people in Britain should do more to help to kill poor people in other countries by taking a cut in their welfare benefits to allow much-needed funds for the armed forces.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2013
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