Biologists and naturalists have responded to the repeated comparisons of people and political movements acting in irrational ways to bat shit, arguing that this grossly misrepresents a valuable commodity. ‘Strictly speaking, insanity requires consciousness, even if only at the level of believing that you aren’t allowed to say anything racist these days, [read...]
WHITE HOUSE, DC – With four rioters and a police officer dead and the repercussions of the events at the Capitol on Wednesday becoming clearer, President Donald Trump pre-emptively outlined his plans to pardon himself for everything that he didn’t do on that fateful day. [read...]
Joe Biden, President-elect and the oldest known relic in America, says he refuses to be controlled by the Trump legacy after analysts calculate the risk of demonic possession at over 85%. ‘There is a clear and present danger of a satanic and evil spirit controlling the Democratic party and turning it into nauseating supernatural horror… [read...]
President Trump’s personal towel says it is being blamed for his refusal to accept defeat in the US election: ‘With Trump playing more golf than usual, I am in constant demand. It’s never been fun being the Donald-wiper, [read...]
In a full-on radioactive meltdown, President Trump has been running around the White House in his Mickey Mouse underwear shouting ‘STOP THE PRAYERS,’ and fired his spiritual advisor, God. He’s ordered anyone found covertly praying under face masks to be shot on sight and the remains fed to grizzly bears. [read...]
