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Posts Tagged ‘wife’

Marriage in crisis as husband eschews Christmas sex in favour of cash alternative

same old present, year after yearThe 22-year union between Lionel and Marjorie Alwyn was reportedly under threat last night, as it emerged that Mr Alwyn had declined their traditional festive sexual congress and asked ‘for the money instead’.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
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Woman rescued from house after 20 years of ‘being taken for granted’

probably a cultPolice and charity workers have liberated a 47-year-old woman from a terraced house in the suburbs of London after being alerted to claims that she had been living there for over 20 years during which time she repeatedly had to cook, clean and iron with barely a word of thanks. A 52-year-old man, described by police as ‘a miserable git’, was arrested at the scene.

‘People think that domestic servitude is a thing of the past, but it isn’t so,’ said campaign leader Andrea Marsden. ‘Here, in 21st century Britain, something like this could still be going on in the street where you live. My case workers are already describing this as the worst case of serial insensitivity they have ever seen’.

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Posted: Nov 25th, 2013
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Kent man wins ‘Cock Drawing of the Year’

Jon Veitch, a 43-year-old QA inspector from Kent, has beaten thousands of others to win Cock Drawing of the Year. Veitch’s simple, pencilled rendition of the male genitalia on 80 gsm plain white A4 paper won him plaudits from the judging panel, who hailed the iconic nature of the piece for its fluid lines and sparsely haired balls.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2013
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Ipswich man fears that whole news cycle is a satire

you couldn't make it upAfter spending many years reading satirical news articles online in between looking up real news stories online, Joseph Capgrass, 38, of Ipswich has confessed that he has lost the ability to tell the difference between real and parody news coverage. It has left his world in tatters.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2013
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Police launch crackdown on counterfeit orgasms

Scotland Yard has today launched its biggest operation yet to tackle the huge surge in fake orgasms and protect the quality of British people’s sex lives.

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Posted: May 24th, 2013
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