Female footballers are to be schooled in spouting meaningless rubbish to the media in a new initiative to bridge the capability gap between them and their male counterparts. It follows a shameful incident in the FIFA Women’s World Cup in which a player failed to answer a banal question regarding her feelings about scoring a goal with: ‘I’m over the moon but at the end of the day it’s all about the three points.’ [read...]
Said the President: ‘I’d personally like to congratulate our women-folk and shake them by the pussy, for winning that there World Cup Series Bowl. I’m sure they were inspired by Cavernpool beating Londonland Bonespurs in the EU Grandslam. [read...]
Pippa Forbury, an architectural technician from leafy Holmes Chapel in Cheshire, has been ostracised by her friends after making what in hindsight appears to have been a very poorly-calculated fashion faux pas.
‘I wanted a pair of ripped designer jeans just like all the girls in our set have but I didn’t want to pay £700 for them,’ [read...]
Boris Johnson is believed to be stockpiling the wives of close friends in preparation for shortages of vital supplies following a no-deal Brexit. ‘He’s sold off half the claret to make cellar space,’ said a friend. [read...]
Peter Cooper, an unused condom that has kept in the wallet of Lee Morris, 36, since being bought from a pub vending machine in Potters Bar in November 2013 has complained about the lack of action. [read...]