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The Football Association hit back last night after the international community criticised the England football team for becoming embroiled in yet another intractable foreign campaign that everyone agrees is unwinnable. ‘We have learned from the mistakes of the past,’ said David Sheepshanks, joint-acting Chairman of the FA. ‘This time we are entering the competition with a clear exit strategy. I give England fans my word that we will have the boys home inside a fortnight.’

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2010
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The national football team of Brazil will head off to the 2010 World Cup in South Africa with heavy hearts this week, after drawing ‘useless clot’ Brian Davies from Accounts in the annual Zenith Industrial Holdings Ltd. sweepstake.

‘Davies hasn’t got a hope in hell of keeping his job, let alone getting a pay rise, ‘not since he screwed up the employee’s P60 PAYE tax statements last April,’ complained Brazilian manager Dunga. ‘The man’s a menace and everyone knows it. In many ways it’s my fault for letting Robinho put his hand in the hat – he should have searched around a bit, rather than pulling out the first name he found. It’s a waste of a pound in my opinion.’

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2010
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David Cameron was caught off guard at the political leaders’ debate last night as the Labour Party pledged that England would win the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

Speaking after the historic debate to Alistair Stewart, Ed Miliband, architect of the party’s manifesto, confirmed their ‘firm intention to win the World Cup for the first time since 1966’. Under intense cross examination, Miliband said the pledge had been fully costed and Alistair Darling had approved the promise provided that Scotland win the trophy in 2014. He also revealed Labour’s intention of phasing in the 2012 European Championships for Wales at the personal request of Welsh assembly first minister Carwyn Jones.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2010
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‘I am absolutely gutted,’ said the Greek hero of myth and legend, ‘I was really looking forward to representing my country and now this.’

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2010
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