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Posts Tagged ‘Yewtree’

Bill Oddie ‘has never touched anyone up’, confirm reports

Scotland Yard spokesperson for The 1997 – 2000 ‘Birding with Bill Oddie,’ child abuse enquiry said this morning that accusations were filtering in from several minors invited to the filming that Bill Oddie ‘never touched them up’.

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2015
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All police investigations ‘on hold’ until all historical investigations completed

Experts believe that ‘approximately a quarter of all serving officers are engaged on Operation Yewtree, twenty percent on historical abuse complaints and the remainder on investigating police cock ups at Hillsborough, the Miner’s strike and ‘that fracas outside the House of Commons’.

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Posted: Jun 17th, 2015
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Sid James sex pest trial jury returns verdict of ‘Oooh, saucy!’

er, carry on...The jury has sensationally decided that ‘that was how it was in them days’ and that no further action should be taken.

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Posted: Sep 24th, 2014
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Savile ‘may have been adviser to Cameron’

Details were emerging last night that Jimmy Savile may have been even more revoltingly criminal than anyone had previously imagined. The latest allegation is that he may have ‘advised’ David Cameron. A police spokesman said: ‘This simply beggars belief and will be hard to bear for the victims, of which there will be a staggering number.’

Cabinet Office officials have admitted that Savile may have been granted unfettered access to dead or dying government policies. He was known to have an abnormal interest in ‘going over figures’, and liked to visit the Treasury where many differently-abled individuals were being cared for.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
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Max Clifford’s penis given own cell for protection

Prison officials have confirmed today that Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, has been segregated for his own safety and is undergoing assessment in the prison hospital wing after earlier being spotted looking bruised, ‘withdrawn’, and being sick in the showers.

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Posted: May 5th, 2014
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