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Posts Tagged ‘Yvette Cooper’

Labour to show business-friendly credentials by snorting cocaine

Labour's only remaining option to get its confidence backStung by the revelation that its election campaign did not understand the worlds of enterprise and high finance, the contenders for the party leadership have vowed to prove their business credentials. This will start next week, with Yvette Cooper offering her naked buttocks as a cocaine-cruet for Andy Burnham.

‘In hindsight, our campaign lacked the energy that business-minded people can bring to the party,’ said Burnham, announcing the snorting programme. ‘We have overlooked the kind of people who aspire to prosperity, wealth and reckless behaviour involving snorting Class A drugs from leadership contenders’ naked flesh.’

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
More from Politics



Cameron slaughters shadow cabinet after watching Game of Thrones

thine shall be mine...The election took an unexpected turn today, when the entire shadow cabinet was butchered after visiting Number 10 for ‘a chat over tea and cakes’.

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Posted: May 4th, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment, Politics



GMB refuses to fund Shadow Cabinet’s ‘mid-life crisis’

Explaining their decision to cut its Labour donation from £1.2m to £150,000, a spokesman for the GMB said: ‘Our members are no longer willing to subsidise bass guitar lessons, the constant Googling of fetish clothing and an £84 a day ‘weed habit’ and 300,000 annual porn hits.’

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Posted: Sep 5th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Easy passage assured for coin-operated public think tanks

Gleaming new high-tech cylindrical structures may be appearing on a high street near you as coin-operated public think tanks inspired by Mr Cameron’s Big Society based desire for more public input are rolled out.

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Ed Miliband facing jail after leaving Balls and Cooper in 40°C campervan

‘A witness said he saw two shadow ministers in the small cab of the campervan. Both were said to be crying, red in the face and distressed.’

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2011
More from News In Brief