Is Donald Trump a Douglas Adams fan?

After a spectacularly insulting interview in the Oval Office with Ukraine’s President Zelenskyy in February, and a re-run this week with South Africa’s President Cyril Ramaphosa, journalists have noticed a similarity with a famous Douglas Adams character.

While Donald Trump might share some characteristics with the fictional Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox – he has the completely overinflated self-image, for example – he is currently being compared with a character called Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged.

Wowbagger’s quest in the fifth Hitchhiker’s Guide book was to insult everyone in the universe in alphabetical order.  As Donald Trump is not yet immortal, he will have to limit himself to maximising the people he can insult in two or three or four terms as US President. 

It is unclear if Donald is attempting to insult people in alphabetical order or not. One faction believes that he is not. The other faction believes that he has amended the alphabet by Executive Order so that it starts with Z, followed by R, and then some other letters, to be sorted out later.

As Douglas Adams states, ‘Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged...was a man with a purpose. Not a very good purpose, as he would have been the first to admit, but it was at least a purpose, and it did keep him on the move.’ This resonates with Donald Trump watchers, who are concerned that his purpose in life is also not very good.

Insiders are therefore wondering is the US President is on a self-appointed mission to insult all of the world’s leaders.  And they are nervously awaiting the US-Chinah! Summit where Donald Trump will meet President Eleven, sorry, President Xi.  Because X comes directly after R, doesn’t it?  Fact!! As easy as ZXR, right?

Some of those Sesame Street shows will need a little editing...

Hat-tip SirLupus

Image: Pixabay/TheDigitalArtist

London Tower Block Charity Siege enters Third day

Latest reports say Mrs Enid Sparrow is still holed up in her 7th Floor flat refusing to answer her door despite being surrounded by an estimated five to six Charity collectors.

According to neighbours they were first made aware of a problem when they heard banging on Mrs Sparrow’s door, men and women’s voices shouting through her letterbox, we know you are in there, make it easy on yourself, just sign the direct debit and it will all be over.

A close friend and neighbour said the hallway was full of people wearing Tabards and lanyards screaming at poor Enid, they had commandeered the lift and had people stationed on the stairwells in case Enid made a break for it down the stairs with her Walker.

Terence Smith Ogilvy, the newly appointed, £184,000 pa, Director of Donations of one of the many London based Charities explained that door to door collecting was essential for many charities, it’s our life blood, it’s how we can afford to be based in posh London addresses and how we can put on Team building exercises for our UK regional teams in Nairobi, like the one I am attending next week after our AGM in Monaco.

Charity collector Ben, who is on a gap year before joining his father’s stock broking firm, explained that he and many collectors like him are reliant on the commissions charities pay them for harassing people in the street or better yet, their own homes.

According to Ben, the arson attack on Sir Kier Starmer’s property recently had Charity collection written all over it. Some of those lads collecting for that London Hospital don’t mess about, it’s a gentle tap of the door, a polite request for funds and if it’s a No, two minutes later, Fire Engines are arriving or the family Dog goes missing.

A Spokesperson for the  local Police said , as yet no crime had been committed but that they will shortly be despatching officers to the said address to offer Mrs Sparrow tickets for the upcoming Police Charity ball.

Image: Pixabay/tumisu

Crowds gather to catch glimpse of Peppa Pig's baby sister

Following the happy news of the birth of Peppa Pig's new baby sister Evie Pig, crowds have been gathering outside the Lindo Wing at St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington hoping to catch a glimpse of the new pink arrival. 

A few people had already started to gather over the weekend, close to Mummy Pig's due date, and had even resorted to sleeping in tents on the pavement so they'd have a good view come the time of the blessed event. However it was only following Monday morning's announcement on Good Morning Britain of the baby's arrival, which was marked by a town crier delivering the news and a ceremonial fly-by from the RAF, when the masses really started to assemble. Right now it is believed that over 10,000 are lining the street opposite the hospital hoping for even the merest glimpse of the piglet.

"As everyone knows, the Lindo Wing is considered to be very exclusive" said midwife Mary McCafferty, who asked not to be named.

"All of William and Kate's children were born here after all. However when Mummy and Daddy Pig arrived the other day... well, it's an understatement to say I was starstruck, and I was the one who handled Kate's placenta the third time. Everything went without a hitch, although there was an awkward moment when a nurse offered Daddy Pig a bacon sandwich"

Police have been called in to try and manage the growing crowds, which are swelling by the hour. It has also been reported that Just Stop Oil had planned to stage a protest outside the hospital, however thankfully all activists were arrested and soundly beaten before anything could take place.

A week of celebratory events are planned to mark this momentous news; the King will be giving a televised address on Saturday, Parliament will be debating the idea of making Evie's birthday a public holiday, shops across the country will be selling assorted merchandise from the show as comparatively reasonable prices. It is also rumoured that Boris Johnson will be making a celebratory trip to Peppa Pig World tomorrow.

It is reported Evie's weight is eight bundles of snuggles, although this figure is expected to change once someone gets a hold of some butcher's scales.

Image: Pixabay/Openclipart-vector