UK connections word game baffles yanks

A British version of the popular word game Connections is baffling Americans.

'It sure is tough, heavy, onerous, hard,' complained Jake Pegg, a puzzle addict from Landfill View, Illinois. 'To find the connections you need an extensive knowledge of UK soccer teams, cockney rhyming slang, British snack foods, and early sixties sitcoms. And there's a lot of stuff about beer, class, the Empire, WW2 and the royals. On a bad day I can't get any of the connections at all.

'I can always do the American version in one or two minutes, but the UK version is a doozy, astonishing, incredible, awesome.'

British puzzle compiler Colin Corbyn says he invented the game because he found the American version annoying, pesky, trying, vexing. 'You need to know about weird American sports, bizarre US TV shows, strange Yankee politics and odd Stateside customs.

'I invented the UK version to let the Yanks know that they aren't the boss, chief, head, master of everything.

'I'm reclaiming English for the English, and I'm doing it with proper spellings.'

Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

Poll reveals WW III preferred by most Brits compared to Boris Johnson's return to Downing Street

With talk of Armageddon rife across the globe, a new poll published this morning reveals the majority of Britons would prefer to endure the rigours of a third world war, rather than see the return of Boris Johnson to frontline politics.

Analysts admit the findings are puzzling, particularly when the results show 99% in favour of a global conflagration, while just 1% was unsure.

One Tory Party member who wished to remain anonymous said: 'After his monumental blundering incompetence over Covid, in all honesty I'm not entirely surprised by this. I mean it's true, we'd have to sacrifice bananas, put up with rationing and get used to powdered egg again. But these are small inconveniences compared to, albeit highly unlikely, Boris returning to take the helm during another international crisis.'

Old guy who says 'it's a funny old world' not laughing

Edgar Chronic, 78, is known locally for his life mantra that 'it's a funny old world'. For some reason he stopped using the phrase when the winter fuel allowance was stopped last year and for reasons not fully understood failed to resume laughing after his daughter, Brenda, mentioned that she supported the watered down assisted dying bill.

Experts studying Edgar did discern a flicker of a smile when the US bombed Iran. He was heard to mutter something about everyone getting an assisted death now.

Photo by yerling villalobos on Unsplash