Experts criticise Meghan’s wine

Meghan launched her £22-a-bottle rosé this month, and it has already sold out.

Experts have criticised Meghan’s exclusive wine, saying that it is just a blend of familiar wines that they have experienced before, and that it is too high-pitched, too entitled, and an unpleasant assault on the ears.

‘It’s really a one-note wine,’ said one sommelier. ‘There is no depth or sophistication to it, it’s just really in your face. The wine is the same every time. The best approach to Meghan's wine is to keep your own mouth shut and put your fingers in your ears.

‘If only Meghan would do the same.’

Picture credit: Wix AI

Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.

'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Keir Starmer, the invisible leader

A new study by the Institute for Political Awareness reveals that most UK citizens don’t know who the Prime Minister is. When asked directly, 87% of respondents either shrugged, Googled it, or named someone from Strictly Come Dancing.

Since winning the 2024 general election, Starmer has largely governed in peace — mostly because the public isn’t watching – but also because he has mastered the skill of invisible leadership. 

We showed a photo of Starmer to some people in the street, to see what reaction we got.

‘He’s sort of… President of the UK,’ said 23-year-old Aaliyah, ‘but I haven’t heard him do anything lately. Has he been cancelled?’

Other respondents asked if Rishi Sunak was still PM, and if Boris Johnson was coming back.

And someone insisted ‘that lettuce’ was still in charge.

Story credit: wurstcasenews

Picture credit: perchance AI

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