deskpilot3
There once was a very rich oligarch
Who lived in a mansion on Regent’s Park
But sanctions aren’t funny
He can’t get his money
He’s now got a job in a trolley park
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Harry Sparkes (64) spoke of his frustration: 'I'd had my head in the cooker for 3-4 hours and I'd still only got slightly warm. To add insult to injury, when my wife found me, she just turned me over and administered a light marinade'.
Sadly, it is not the first time Harry has attempted to end his life. He has tried connecting the exhaust pipe from his Tesla, hanging himself with bungee rope and taking an overdose of multivitamins. Said Harry: 'Depressing isn't it? I've even thought about putting a toaster in my bath, but I'm gluten intolerant'.
As school life returns to normal, the event, which is particularly popular amongst parents, is set for a welcome return. Teachers are encouraging children to peruse bookshops and car boot sales to find any book that has even the most tenuous link to whatever fancy dress they happen to have.
‘There has been a sad decline in children dressing up over the last few years,’ explains Mrs. Butler, a primary school teacher from Tenby. ‘By making a link with something the children see every day, such as a book, we are hoping to attract them back to fancy dress and to build healthy habits for later life.’
Event organisers are encouraging children to think outside the dressing-up box and not just look at traditional and popular fiction books.
‘They don’t just need to go for the tried and tested Harry Potter', said another teacher. 'We are trying to show them how non-fiction books can transform their dressing-up world: get a book on cats and hey presto all you need are some face paints and cardboard ears. If they find a book on sport, they can just wear their PE kit. We had one particularly sage child last year who found a book on the Art of Invisibility... oh.’
Research shows that the event works. Those exposed to the first BABMWFSF Days are now fully-fledged adults. ‘We are seeing far higher incidents of Cosplay participation amongst young adults, who can read, than ever before in history,’ explained a passing geography teacher.
With this year's event taking place today, parents around the country are emerging from 12 hours of blind panic, frantic shopping and questionable sewing skills, after discovering a letter in the bottom of schoolbags yesterday evening informing them of the happy event at their child's school.