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Retired Colonel Reginald Bradshaw-Wallace, formerly of the 14th Foot and Mouth Regiment, admitted sadly today that this year might be the last commemoration of the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. 


'I was initially enraged by the suggestion that after a mere 610 years, it might be time to call it a day,” the colonel told other drinkers in the bar of his Golf Club.' Though I must admit that it does get harder to get people interested in it.


'The BBC has refused to televise it ever since… well, as long as the BBC’s existed, to be honest. And the number of people turning out.,, well, actually it’s just been me for the past few decades. Not so much a parade as an old man trying to remember where the post office used to be.


'But that doesn’t diminish my enjoyment of it, not at all. As I remember that day when we marched forward to the strains of Elgar, ready to knock the hun for six, cannon to the left of us, cannon to the right of us, and gentlemen in England now abed shall fight them on the landing grounds, and in the streets…'


At this point, he was gently escorted back to the day room and propped up in his usual easy chair.





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Horrified by Donald Trump's unbridled evil, God has decided to expand the deadly sins list, adding an as yet uncertain number to the current seven. God, the top Christian, is said to be 'gobsmacked' by the depth and breadth of Trump's malignance.


'God really thought that He had pretty much covered all the possibilities with the existing seven,' said Gabriel, a close God associate. 'And then along comes this orange wanker who just blows the roof off.'


In the coming days God is expected to convene a panel of experts to determine the number and type of sins to be added to the list. An inventory of Trump's 'unforgivable acts' is currently underway, according to Gabriel. 'We're already on day 10 and we're still not done. I mean, it took the Big Guy just a week to create the whole fucking universe.


The question of Satan's influence on Trump has 'inevitably come up,' Gabriel acknowledged. 'The information we have from our agents in Hell is that old Beelzebub is as shocked as we are,' he continued. 'That said, he's apparently starting to feature Trump in some of Hell's training videos.'


A representative of Hell declined to comment for this story.



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