Motorcycle tourists amend their description of Iran

A couple of round-the-world tourists published a glowing account of their experience of Iran, stating that they were 'having an amazing time'.  However, they have now advised readers that there were 'one or two tiny typographical errors in our previous report.'

'Where we spoke of the 'lovely people' and of a 'lovely country', what we actually meant to say was 'The country is a dangerous, corrupt sh!t-hole and the w@nkers who live there are a load of complete c*nts.'  We regret any confusion which may have been caused by our earlier lack of clarity.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Absolutely everything fifty-year-old woman does attributed to menopause

Susan Perrin is not sure that she exists as an individual any more, since everything she has done, felt or experienced recently has been attributed to her cessation of ovarian follicular activity rather than her enduring or situational personality traits or fleeting preferences.

Want to buy a hat? Menopause.

Grumpy at a colleague adding big things to an agenda five minutes before a meeting? Menopause.

An urge to track down tutti frutti ice cream like that made by Gino Ginelli in the 1980s? Menopause.

Drawn a picture of a cock and balls with marker pen under a subway? Menopause.

Written a rock opera about the design and introduction of the Bic four colour pen? Menopause.

Developed a liking for salt and vinegar crisp sandwiches? Menopause.

Think garden centre prices for fruit cake are too expensive? Menopause.

Dreaming about being chased by a giant stick of rhubarb holding Margaret Thatcher’s handbag? Menopause.

HRT patch not sticking to thigh? Menopause (okay maybe that one is).

Picture credit: Wix AI

Overnight Oats "were just poncey porridge" laments Leicester man

When wife Jill announced she felt they ought to spice up their marriage by introducing "Overnight Oats", husband Brian Chibson, from Leicester, was delighted.

'We'd reached that stage in our relationship were things had quietened down, if you follow me, and I was delighted with Jill's suggestion,' Brian commented. 'What a disappointment, though, when she suggested an early night. She just spent half an hour reading a Richard Osman, before nodding off.

'To make things worse, when she announced the next morning in the kitchen it was finally time for the oats I perked up thinking... oh well... better late than never. But all she did was get two bowls weirdo berries with gloopy, soggy porridge sloshing about the bottom out of the fridge, before announcing with a flourish, "Overnight Oats!"

Talk about a massive disappointment. I just tipped mine in the bin and got the frying pan out. I mean, it was Saturday, so I don't know what on earth Jill was thinking anyway.' 

Image: Pixabay/congerdesign