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Sarah Tipper
- Aug 19, 2021
- 1 min
Small Talkers Ready For Spate Of Conversations About The Nights Drawing In
Despite it happening every year with measurable regularity, and sunrise and sunset times having been published in almanacs for hundreds...
00
Steveb
- Aug 19, 2021
- 2 min
Cat's anus accidentally writes number one best-seller
A Cat from Basingstoke has inadvertently written a number one best-selling thriller just by sitting on an open laptop keyboard. Janice...
70
Danny Soz
- Aug 18, 2021
- 1 min
Queen Mother's Mummified Stool Sold For $9 Million
A perfectly preserved stool believed to have been evacuated by Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, during the war, has been sold at...
00
Steveb
- Aug 18, 2021
- 2 min
Rich white men in suits still the most deadly thing on the planet
While everyone is considering the pandemic and thinking it's pretty bad, rich white men in suits are still ending more life than...
10
Wrenfoe
- Aug 18, 2021
- 1 min
Where were all these ‘experts’ on Afghanistan twenty years ago?
Sociologists have noticed an odd phenomenon, where suddenly there is an influx of people who have never able to spell Afghanistan, but...
10
Lucidity
- Aug 18, 2021
- 2 min
Supermarket self-scan machine develops consciousness
There was excitement at a Haslemere branch of Tesco Local yesterday when one of its self-scan machines exhibited signs of heightened...
10
FlashArry
- Aug 17, 2021
- 1 min
Bill and Ben sacked as PM's speechwriters
In a surprise move, Boris Johnson has cut the ties with two of his most successful speechwriters, Bill and Ben, otherwise known as The...
50
Danny Soz
- Aug 17, 2021
- 1 min
Queen prefers Soviet national anthem to ours, says Palace insider
According to a royal insider, Her Majesty, The Queen is an avid fan of the Russian national anthem and has been in talks with the...
10
Lockjaw
- Aug 17, 2021
- 2 min
Latin phrases in the modern idiom
A short Newsbiscuit guide to encourage students to enjoy Latin: Ars longa vita brevis: Your bum looks big in those shorts. E Pluribus...
70
MzWibble
- Aug 17, 2021
- 1 min
Education Minister proposes adding spells to national curriculum.
Harry Potter Spells are to be taught at state schools across England in an effort to counter the subject’s reputation as one that is...
00
jp1885
- Aug 17, 2021
- 2 min
Benedict Cumberbatch 'magnificent' as Bloke in Tesco
Benedict Cumberbatch has blown away the critics after a ‘magnificent, power-house performance’ at the Brent Cross Hendon Way Tesco...
40
TheNewsWalrus
- Aug 17, 2021
- 1 min
Hopes fading for Kabul Wetherspoons
As the Taliban enter Kabul the future looks bleak for the city’s sole Wetherspoons outlet. ‘The Rory Stewart’, opened to great fanfare in...
30
Steveb
- Aug 16, 2021
- 1 min
Deaths from lightning strikes while on the phone rebound since PPI calls stopped
The number of people being struck by lightning while on landline phones at home has skyrocketed. During the PPI years, most people who...
10