1,922 ways in which Truss Ministry could fall by Friday, anonymous experts confirm

New PM Liz Truss’s Government has fallen into turmoil almost immediately having announced a plethora of tax cuts and borrowing intentions without any published fiscal plan, spooking financial markets and potentially trashing the Tories’ much-vaunted reputation for economic competence.

An obscure, barely-known committee of Tory backbenchers has been witnessed sharpening daggers. One source known only as Graham, who insisted he knew nothing about the committee, nonetheless confided: '1,922 stab wounds may seem a little excessive, but given there are 357 Tory MPs at the time of writing, this would mean about a fairly modest 5.4 stabs each. No - I don’t know what 0.4 of a stab wound really means either, but mathematics doesn’t seem to be a Tory strength just now.'

An anonymous classicist, reportedly a former leader, added: 'In the old days, Tory MPs used to send letters to stab their leader in the back. But, as in Ancient Rome, in the end even the great orators just put their pens down and resorted to literally stabbing Julius Caesar, though he got away with just 23 stab wounds. Now we’re looking at 1,922. I blame inflation.'

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Roman opposition to HS2 found in Stoke Mandeville

Researchers have found Roman artefacts in Stoke Mandeville that suggests the Holy Roman Empire was vigorously opposed to the HS2 Project. Stone carvings with ' HS duo vade in domum tuam' chiselled out alongside 'Non In Mi Tincidunt'.

'It appears the NIMT culture, the Roman predecessor to the NIMBY movement, was very much well defined in AD 220,' said an archaeologist, explaining that objections to public baths in certain areas often met with opposition, with 'quatio tua publicis balneis tuum asinum' being a common refrain from Romans living in Britain at the time.

The contractors building the rail network originally expected to link London with the North West and North East of England, now fifteen times over budget and expected to terminate at Weston Turville, said that they would give the representations equal standing to more contemporaneous objections . 'We'll ignore them, just as the Romans would do. When in Rome...' he added.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/couleur-1195798/

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