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Andrew Neil, veteran broadcaster and answer to the question 'what if corned beef had a face?', has finally called an end to his brief marriage to GB News. Both parties put out a statement saying no other individuals were involved '...particularly viewers, as we have none'.
Under the custody agreement, Neil gets to keep all erroneous facts about Brexit but GB News gets weekend visitation rights to any racist dog whistles.
Since its launch GB News has been heavily criticised for its lack of accuracy, to which it responded by saying: 'We are pleased to announce Andrew Neil is joining GB News'.
GB News audience stats have plummeted into negative figures as their presenters resort to watching viewers in order to maintain contact. On Saturday, the viewing figures dipped below -14 as broadcasters from the station desperately zoom called viewers to beg them to tune in.
Former newscaster Alastair Stewart said he watched the Smythe family explain why they weren’t going to tune in to the new station. ‘He didn’t realise that viewing the Smythe family would count against us in the stats and he's deeply sorry,’ said a GB News source.
And finally, one potentially audience winning feature has been postponed while Andrew Neil has a ‘well-earned break’ from throwing tantrums about the channel’s failures. GB News’s ‘Meatiest face in Britain’ final between Neil (T Bone Angus) and Jeremy Clarkson (chump chop) will take place in the Autumn.
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