'If I'd realised it was just a £100 fine I'd have coughed,' says Blair

Former Prime Ministers are fuming as they realise the charges they spent gazillions of taxpayers money defending could have been avoided by just taking a fixed penalty notice.

'WMD fracas - £100 - bish bash boom. Might have expensed it though,' suggested one former Prime Minister.

'Lying to the Queen, unlawful prorogation, hygiene risk in a fridge - I'd have donated £500 for a season ticket if I'd known. Bloody irritating I got fined for a cake,' said the previous holder of the record number of criminal offences admitted while Prime Minister.

'Violating a pig - I'd happily have paid up to £150 if I'd known,' said another. We're not sure if this refers to an actual pig or just Edwina Curry.

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Image: QuinceCreative | Pixabay

Charles pursuing NZ’s Ardern in January PM transfer window

Following a successful 6 year spell as Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Ardern will shortly be a free agent and a bidding war between some of the world’s biggest countries looks certain to follow.

Earlier in her career, Ardern had spells in the US and UK. However a big move to Washington now looks less likely, as Joe Biden has forgotten where he’d left the paperwork that would have parachuted Ardern into the Oval Office.

King Charles (aka Chuck 3) is rumoured to be a big fan, and with the current state of the UK, Ardern’s installation would be a popular formality - plus she can reach higher shelves. The only question mark is why she would risk her reputation with such a basket case of a country.

A statement from the office of Boris Johnson that no-one had asked for said ‘PMILF’.

Image: Clker-Free-Vector-Images | Pixabay

'Let the Bodies Pile High... in my boudoir, baby! Fwoarrrrr.'

As the world waits with bated breath for the release of Boris Johnson’s memoir, hailed as the greatest literary event since 'Spare', The Bible or Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, speculation mounts as to what the title will be. 'Let the Bodies Pile High' remains a firm favourite with Paddy Power. Here are the remaining top 10 contenders.

1. I

2. Me

3. I & Me

4. I, Me & Myself

5. Fwoarrrrr, Crikey!

6. Keep On Buggering You

7. This Much I Don’t Know

8. Windswept & Interesting

9. Boris's Adventures in Borisland

10. Down and Out in Antigua and Fiji

Johnson’s publishers are confident his book will outsell ‘Oops! - The life and times of Liz Truss' and Steve Barclay’s much anticipated NHS memoir ‘Goodbye to All That’, whicwill hit the shelves in February.

Images: succo | Pixabay