A four year old cod living off Dover has caused outrage within it's shoal by registering for French evening classes in order to avoid being 'labelled' as part of the UK fish stock.
Under international law, the fish would ordinarily be considered English, meaning it would be caught by the Men of Kent and end up overcooked and sold with a huge portion of soggy chips in PJ's takeaway, alongside reformed kebabs and battered pork sausages which have been nowhere near a pig.
Fishermen have reacted angrily to the absence of patriotism displayed, calling on the government to intervene in order to prevent the further dilution of English values within the 'white' fish population.
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