Climate scientists all over the world have all resigned and issued a joint statement crediting some bloke in the pub with dismantling their life work with some unanswerable arguments.
"As soon as it was pointed out that it still gets cold in Alaska, the scales fell from my eyes.", said Professor James Hansen. "I hadn't thought of that - it completely demolishes all the science."
Greta Thunberg has announced her new air freight coal delivery service.
Image: WKIDESIGN | Pixabay
A fictional town from 1960s children's TV has accused a neighbouring fictional town of ignoring climate crisis promises.
The Mayor of Trumpton launched a shocking tirade of abuse at a press conference held in front of the town hall because there is probably no actual inside to it. 'We have no problem with the people of Camberwick Green, but they should know that their leader is a tyrannical megalomaniac who must be stopped,' said the Mayor, despite the distinct lack of a mouth.
'He is in cahoots with the energy giant CamProm to control supply and artificially inflate prices. CamProm now dominates critical markets and is holding those markets to ransom.'
'But even worse than that, assurances ratified at the climate summit have been broken. They should not be allowed to con us all with their glossy adverts stipulating that they are making significant shifts towards 'green' energy supply, when their investment in planet protection is a mere fraction of their rampant pursuit of fossil fuel extraction.'
'These are dangerous times, and we have put all of the Trumpton fire brigade on high alert.'
image from pixabay
Updated: Dec 24, 2021
It’s been the overriding message of COP26 and all previous such gatherings that unless we all act quickly then our planet is doomed. “Not so.” says the Earth after taking to social media to refute any suggestion that it’s in any sort of danger at all.
It describes such talk as typical human hubris. “It’s true mankind might be in imminent danger of extinction, an event that can’t come soon enough as far as I’m concerned, but I shall be here for another few billion years yet. And nothing you smart arses do will change that.”
Asked about the threat of global warming, extreme weather, or nuclear winter, Earth’s response was a matter-of-fact, “Bring it on.” And concluded by saying, “I heard exactly the same thing from the bloody dinosaurs. Oooh no, the end of the world is nigh. I’ll admit that asteroid stung like hell for a few hundred years, but I’m still here, and they’re not.”
Image: Unsplash/The New York Public Library
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