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The space agency denied they were overcompensating but acknowledged they had accepted a sponsorship deal with Viagra. The new rocket is twice as large as the space shuttle, but only half as long as Errol Flynn.
To a packed conference, NASA said: ‘Yes, it’s got length. But it’s also got girth. Stop giggling at the back! It’s got 15% more thrust. Stop it! And it is filled with spacemen, not seamen as some bright spark scribbled on my notes.
‘Frankly, this penis obsession is puerile nonsense. The kind of immature speculation you would expect from those with school-boy humour. We are very proud of Starship Dildo.’
Image from Pixabay by RJA 1988
Sarah Paulley, a beauty therapist from Chester, has finally recovered from the shock of receiving a normal message from a man on a dating app.
The 22-year old was browsing the app one evening after work in the vague hope that her prince charming would appear when she least expected it.
‘I was scrolling through all of my messages like I usually do of an evening: Unsolicited dick pic, dick pic, dick pic, someone asking me if I’m up for no-strings fun, dick pic, dick pic, someone asking me for a picture of my feet, dick pic, dick pic, someone asking me if I will birth his children from my ample hips, dick pic, dick pic, someone who has a picture of himself with his mum, dick pic, and so on and so forth’ said Sarah, ‘Y’know, the norm.’
‘Then, there it was! A regular message from a nice-looking chap called Connor. He didn’t have any serial killer vibes, mentions of dealing weed, or photos of him passed out with ‘prick’ written on his head, and the message itself was charming, witty, and ended with a question about my music taste. I was so shocked that I closed my account and deleted the app.’
‘Maybe I should re-establish my profile and reply to him like a normal human being, without using the laughing emoji accompanied by the subtext of please don't find out where I live' said Sarah.
'Although to be honest, I’ll probably just wait until I’m confident he’s moved on so I can return to my comfort zone of weirdos and sexually frustrated mechanics.’
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