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I, Trumpnik


Extracts from radio broadcasts of the Russian fishing fleet, have revealed a russian plot as terrifying as a evening with Gino Dicampo.



President Donald John Trump has been replaced by an doppelganger.



"The Don" was kidnapped,seduced by a leggy, superficial blonde dressed as a golf bag.



Following said blonde, Trump was lured into the bushes,on the 15th hole of Gleneagles before being clubbed over the head with a 3 Wood.



He was then replaced by "TRUMPNIK" A robot imposter direct from the Kremlin, controlled by the Vladimir Putins well disguised nipple rings.



The Russians or Soviets, (depending on how cartoonish you like to imagine them being) are delighted with TRUMPNIK and plan to continue using him to isolate, irrate and possibly iradiate, America's former allies and friends.



Whether it's bullying Greenland or Canada, treating Palestinians like American Indians, trusting Elon Musk or negotiating the end of a war without checking with the people fighting it TRUMPNIK continues to surprise.



The real Trump meanwhile finds himself in a red room with zigzag floors while a dwarf says that gum he likes is going to come back in style.


Zelenskyy and Putin to find Totty for Trump




Fears are growing amongst friends and family of America’s First Lady Melania Trump ,nee Knauss,that the president intends filing for divorce and is actively seeking a fourth wife.



Rumours yet to be confirmed or denied by White House staffers are saying Trump is insisting that a new Ukrainian or Russian wife for him must be part of any American solution for peace in Ukraine.



His three stipulations are as usual, she must be young, pretty and have a lower command of English then he has.



Despite sacking Melania’s English teacher early in their marriage ,Trump has become more and more aware that his wife’s vocabulary far exceeds his own and that on the few occasions he allows her to speak in public, he and his MAGA followers struggle to understand her.



Trump’s second wife Marla Maples, after his failed marriage to Ivana Zeinickova, was in fact American. An actress and TV presenter. She later described being married to Trump as like living with a Twelve year old with a speech impediment and likened him to an excitable Red Setter,constantly looking for praise and attention. She wrote, if I told him he was a good boy he would jump on his bed, playing with his Golf balls and trying to lick his own nuts.




According to FBI files, Trump is no stranger to mail order brides and that he is in fact, Donny (,could have been a professional golfer) ,from Florida ,that has been banned from numerous Thai Mail order sites. With his IP address traced to the Mar-a-Lago area, Trump is alleged to have inundated hundreds of Thai women with unsolicited Dick Pics and a promise of the Best Marriage, the best marriage in history.



With his recent criminal convictions ,accusations of rape, sexual assault and flings with Porn stars, Trump is not worried about any adverse public reaction should he dump Melania and bring in an immigrant, as Trump has said many times, my supporters make up excuses for me.


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