In what may be Donald Trump’s most ambitious move yet, He has announced plans to scrap the American National anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner and replace it with a new and he says more relevant anthem, God save Donald Trump
Speaking to a select band of reporters Trump says it will be a beautiful anthem, the best ever in the history of anthems, beautiful words, the best words.
People love me he said, 'They want God to save me, they want me victorious and they want me to reign over them for the longest time. My people have had enough of other countries and their Knavish tricks, they want me and God to scatter our enemies, they want me to fight sedition and they want to sing about it.'
The initial plan is for the new anthem to be sung in every school classroom before lessons and at every sports event. Trump’s Press secretary confirmed that as well as the words, the music to the anthem will be changed too. Although not finalised, first thoughts are for a slow paced, almost dirge like tune, funereal if you will.
Elon Musk, Trump’s close friend and political advisor has been tasked with organising rallies up and down the country to spread the new anthem and is believed to be working on a new salute Trump supporters can perform whilst singing the anthem. Pop superstars The Village People have choreographed a new dance routine, The Goosestep, which they will be performing at this year’s Super bowl final and Hog Roasts up and down the country.
story by tonymc
Photo by Lucas Alexander on Unsplash
After Donald Trump blamed the Washington air crash on diversity hires by Air Traffic Control, he has denied that any of his recent appointees fall into this category. He reportedly said that ‘almost none of them have severe intellectual or psychiatric disabilities.’ He refutes claims that he appointed anyone to meet targets for fundraising, or letting him win at golf. He insists that all of his staff are appointed solely on merit.
The President is reported to have said, ‘My Efficiency Bro, Elon Musk, is a regular white, male guy. He’s really rich, so he’s definitely not in an excluded or disadvantaged group. His social media app is open to all, however prejudiced, without fear or favour … although, actually, fear is favoured.  He will be great at cutting government oversight and regulations, but he obviously/probably won’t do anything to advantage Tesla, SpaceX, TwitteX or Bitcoin. All of those regulations will be cut by someone else.
‘My Defence Secretary, Pete Hegseth, has plenty of government experience as a regular white, male guy.  He nearly got elected to the Minnesota senate in 2012 – so close, so close – and he learnt a lot from that. He doesn’t want women in combat roles – that’s just chivalry, not wokery. And he thinks men are more capable – that’s just a fact. The allegations of sexual assault, drinking and financial mismanagement are all fake news. People in disadvantaged minorities don’t get to co-host weekend shows on Fox TV, so that proves he’s not a diversity hire.
‘My Health Secretary, RFK, has a gravelly voice. That doesn’t make him queer, or Hispanic, or intellectually retarded. He used to say my supporters were idiots, and this proves his commitment to free speech for all Americans. He is prepared to ignore the small minority who believe in vaccines, and he respects the right of citizens to travel to undeveloped countries, if they want to, and to bravely die of un-American diseases like Yellow Fever.  He’s just a regular white, male guy who is going to do a great job.
In conclusion, Mr Trump allegedly said that he didn’t need rules and regulations to appoint a diverse and capable group of white men to work with him.
He emphasised that he had no problem in appointing Mexicans, if they paid for the wall. And no problem appointing Canadians, once they were part of the USA. And no problem in appointing women, if they could make good coffee and sign an NDA.