Elon Musk has a paddy because we’re still calling it Twitter

Multi-billionaire Elon Musk today had a very public meltdown when he heard people still referring to the social media platform he owns as Twitter.

'It’s not like the original name was so great anyway,” said the sulky plutocrat. “I mean, Twitter, seriously? And individual posts are called tweets? It’s stupid.

'My name for it, X, is way better, with posts called… well, I guess they’re still tweets, we didn’t really think that one through. Anyway, it’s my platform so I can call it what I like. And the little people have to fall in line.

'But every time it’s mentioned on the damn news, they say ‘X, formerly known as Twitter’… it’s like they’re telling people not to bother learning the new name.”

Meanwhile, trending on Twitter (sorry, X) was the topic that if Musk wanted to rebrand Tesla cars as “overpriced, impractical vanity purchases that only relocate the pollution to wherever the electricity is generated”, people would be happy to go along with that.

Photo by Alexander Shatov on Unsplash

Musk bribing voters, complains Lobbyist

The billionaire owner of the social media site previously known as Prince, has decided to offer swing state voters $1m to overlook Trump's combover. Lobbyists are furious that he has undermined democracy, as that was their job: 'He's doing it all wrong, you're supposed to bribe the politicians. If we start bribing the voters, they might actually benefit for once.' When asked, most voters took a jaundiced view of the election: 'It's all a scam, but at least this way we get a cut.'

The $1m lottery means there is a remote chance of voters getting rich, as opposed to when Trump gets elected, where there is zero chance. Under American election law it is illegal to pay for votes, although ironically American voters have been paying for theirs for the last 200 years.

By contrast, Harris has refused to bribe voters with anything they might want. Her spokeswoman insisted: 'There's no need for lobbyists to pay voters - when politicians are so cheap.'

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

Speech free, for all who agree with me, says Musk

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